Blog Post No. 540
I’ve always had a poor sense of my own feelings and emotions in general. I’m starting my post off this way in an attempt to explain why, when I experience something, I never know if it’s universal or not. Usually, it is, like the feeling of a shower at the end of a long day or that sensation of being in the groove (for me when I’m writing). One feeling I’m sure most people have, is the dread that can settle in the evening (especially right before bed) when you’re stressed or feeling overwhelmed about something. Hopefully, the more upbeat sense that things aren’t so insurmountable that comes in the morning (usually aided by being too busy to worry so much because you have to get to work on time) is also something most people feel.
The brief but glorious season of Autumn is upon us and unlike the last few years, it arrived on time and has held on with cool, crisp air, a flourish of colour, and inevitable darkness. (It’s not all good, but two out of three ain’t bad). I’m determined to enjoy it for as long as it holds out, even though I’m not actually spending much time out in the cloudy skies and refreshing weather. I’m still a homebody at heart and, like a skittish forest creature, I’m wary of others. I’ve waxed about my love of the season 
I have a very minor dilemma that actually isn’t a dilemma. I want to do something and I know I shouldn’t and I’ve learned through years of inactivity that there is an obvious solution. Even thought I know that, I still have this want. I think the want is really an amalgamation of fatigue, stress, fear, and maybe a bit of boredom. It’s the worst kind of want to act upon and I know that and to be honest, I already know I’m not going to act on it, but it’s still there while I write this. 
I used to be a night owl. Throughout my childhood, I always had trouble falling asleep. I’m a light sleeper, too so any other activity in a house full of people older than me, would wake me up. I remember listening to my old tape player, setting up stuffed animals on my bed, and playing pretend long into the night. By the time I was in high school, I would usually get five (or if I was lucky) six hours of sleep a night. Like a classic teenager, I would stay up late (past my super early bedtime) and struggle with getting up in the morning. 
I’m still waiting on edits to come back and while I took a couple of days to chill out over the weekend, I’m getting the itch to write something new again. As I said 
Ben Van Dongen 