Never Enough

Blog Post No. 478

I’m off from the day job again for pandemic reasons and while it’s mostly a good thing (both having time off and not being at risk with omicron running wild) I’m also not making any money. You’d think that with this sudden time off, I’d be writing up a storm or getting way ahead on edits for the new novella, Snow from a Distant Sky. Unfortunately, edits grind to a halt when you have to wait on people to get back to you with their beta reads. As for writing, I’m still struggling with short stories as a whole and I still haven’t cracked the ability to write while in the middle of an edit.

Though, that could just be because I’m lazy. I’ve written part of a short story, but there is something about knowing that the first draft will be bad that stops my progress. The knowledge and realization that first drafts suck somehow makes writing longer stories easier, but it makes the shorts more difficult. I’m not sure why, yet, but the only thing I can do it keep at it until I stumble across a solution.

I do want to point out that I don’t begrudge the time it takes for people to edit my writing. They are doing me the favour and for a lot of people, the more time they take, the more problems they’ll catch. Most of the time (unless I’m really in a crunch) I make sure to tell my beta readers to take their time.

Either way, here I am, not working, not writing much, and feeling lethargic. I’ve said it before, but I feel like I’m more productive when I don’t have too much free time. Something about the structure and limitations forces me to use the time I do have. I think the unexpected nature of the lost shifts also put me in a bit of a spiral. Thinking back, the same thing happened with the first lockdown in 2020. It took a few weeks for me to figure things out and get to work. I was in the middle of editing Broadcast Wasteland at the time, so the editing lull was the same, too.

I know that in a week, when I’m scheduled to go back to the day job, I’ll feel like I did nothing no matter what I accomplish. The time will have felt too short and within a few days of work, I’ll be ready for another day off. It took me a couple of weeks to get over the novelty of being back at the day job the first time, and I had a year-and-a-half-off. I’m trying to not let myself feel guilty for the lack of writing. Not too guilty at least. As long as I get some done and stay on top of the editing, I’ll be okay. Any increase is better than nothing. It’s been two weeks (just over by the time this post is out) and I’m still on unstable ground. There’s really only so much a person can do.